...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...

PLEASE NOTE...this is my personal blog with my personal feelings...

11 July, 2010

Giving up...

Have you every just wanted to give up. Not on life, but just quit the struggle and look for the easy way. Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, you keep finding that the harder you work the harder things become for you. Today I had a break and not just any break a personal break and I was in public. (Which bothered me even more that I could hold my emotions to the point where tears started to just flow.) Like damn, really right now! I’m usually really good at hiding my emotions especially in front of people. The only person that has really seen me at a low point over the past few years is my mother, and even around her I try to keep it as minimal as I can. At this point I’m just tried like really yes, I’ve had some really great things happen to me, but I have still haven’t been able to see the up’s of it all. My thought’s today took me back to conversation that I had with one of my friends about just being tried and not wanting to keep up a certain image.

** I mean I really cried in public in front of someone I did not know at their place of work)** and all I could say was this is just too much. This is a lot for me right now. I’m listening, I’m working it out. **and if I told you where I was you would say WTF…

So anyway I’ll leave you with a real life BBM conversation that meant a lot to me, which is why I saved it.  I need to look at once in a while for a pick me up!

<3 ♬B ♬<3 : What's wrong?!?
♡Mo♥: Life
<3 ♬B ♬<3 : :/
<3 ♬B ♬<3 : U wanna talk?
♡Mo♥: I swear there some kind of spirit out there trying to break me
♡Mo♥: It’s like shit keeps happening and the better I do the worst things get
<3 ♬ ♬<3 : Mo, talk about it. Or its gonna eat away at you
♡sMo♥: It’s a lot right now, work, money, I just feel broken and discouraged people think were supposed to have all of the answers
♡Mo♥: I'm just trying to figure it out
♡Mo♥: It’s like you KNOW you’re doing everything right, but keep getting thrown back up against a wall
♡Mo♥: And it’s hard because I always feel like I have to put on this face that everything is okay, but its hard sometimes a can't do that all the time
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : You don't have to put on that face. You do it because of what you think ppl will say.
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : We are all struggling and it is OKAY to let ppl see your vulnerable.
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : Don't lock your emotion in or it will make u sick
♡Mo♥: Its tuff not to be in control or know what's going around you. I couldn't tell you if I was coming or going
♡Mo♥: I'm so sick of always being that strong person, and when I do cry or show that I am human don't have the support
♡Mo♥: But thanks for listening I don't get that often
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : I understand. You feel like your hands are tied behind you. But they're not and it perfectly okay to get the frustration of it all out.
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : No problem! Call me, bbm me, text me, email me.
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : I'm here.
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : Sit and your car and scream to the top of your lungs...I bet you'll feel some kind of better ;)
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : I do it.
♡Mo♥: Ok thanks
♡Mo♥: ({})
<3 ♬ B♬<3 : ({})
<3 ♬ B ♬<3 : No need to be stressed. Stolen joy is a point for the devil. Don't let him win!!

I LOVE MY REAL and TRUE friends. Thank you God for the support that I have to know that it’s okay to show myself to people, to know that I have an ear when needed, and a shoulder when I feel can’t take much more of it. If you don’t know the value of true friendship you are truly missing out on something wonderful! It makes not giving up that much more special!

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