...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...

PLEASE NOTE...this is my personal blog with my personal feelings...


01 October, 2010

Thank God for family and friends…

For me, life has not been going that according to plan. I know if you ever wanted to hear God laugh, all you have to do is tell him your plans. But that still does not stop me or the people I know from trying to plan life accordingly. It’s funny how at any given point you can be thrown for a loop and end up at the bottom of the pile feeling like you’re the only person in this world right now.  I still can’t completely fathom this feeling nor do I understand it. At this point I am not sure if I’m having a mental break down or a fucking pity party for myself. Right now I am in my favorite city in the US with my favorite friends, in which I should be having a fucking awesome time. But all I can do is wonder about the what if’s. I have gone through life doing everything by a certain book; by what I feel and think is right. I went to school (hell I went to school twice), I work, I’m not having sex (celibate for 21 months as of today), I don’t get drunk, I don’t smoke. I pay my bills when I have the money (because with two degree’s you would laugh at me and tell me to get my life together if you knew how much money I made, with the bullshit that I do).  I mean really WHAT THE FUCK. How do I get over this hump? My favorite life motto is “if you change your mind then your life will change,” and “Nothing in the world can be achieved without passion” But I’m wondering where in my life I have gone wrong. I mean come on can I get a break like really cut me some slack. But anyways I’m thankful for my family and friends. Even though it’s a struggle all the way around I have an amazing support system, and one of these days they will be able to lean on me as much as I lean on them.  Thank you God for the people that you have placed in my life. Rather they are here for a reason, season, or life time, I am truly grateful for their presence. I know I will get over this hump; I’m waiting patiently just slightly stressed as I walk through this process called life.

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