...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...

PLEASE NOTE...this is my personal blog with my personal feelings...


29 October, 2010

When I look into myself...

Have you ever looked into a mirror and not recognize the person looking back at you. Sometimes you may see this person that has grown and you see the sparkle of the person that you are becoming. Sometimes you just see your age the the years that have flown buy and you catch yourself wondering what you could do now at this very moment to stop this process. Or how about the times when you just plainly as clear as day don't know the person looking back at you. You ask your self is this the person that I have become. You say who are you. You play with your facial features, you touch your eyebrows, change the shape of your eyes. You place your fingers in the creases of your nose. You pat your lips together, you move your tongue over your teeth. You make different faces, you pull on your ears. You place your hands over your cheeks, then your forehead, just to look and say WHO ARE YOU, and what have you done to me.


Have you ever felt alone within your own thoughts. Afraid to not be by yourself. When you had to have some kind of obstruction like music, or the television breaking your concentration. When being alone with your self inside of your head is one of the most scariest experiences that you could ever have.


Often times I feel this way, I can't figure out my comings and goings and the last thing I want is to be alone with my head. A lot of the times I thrive off of this type of obscurity within my self. But more often then not lately it seems like a never ending black hole.


I've been trying to figure out this person that I am becoming. I see things within my life and within the world slightly differently. I'm changing, I'm growing and appreciably almost afraid of my future. In my short years on this planet I have dealt with a lot. Yes, others have dealt with more or have been in far more dangerous or less fortunate situations than myself. But that's' not my reality, within MY reality it has been a lot to cope with. The problem with me, I tend to keep a lot of my feelings balled up inside. I keep it to myself (well that was until I started this blog) I keep my personal problems within my own personal bubble.


But I'm changing and sharing. Those moments when I look into the mirror and I feel like I absolutely don't recognize the person looking back at me, I know that's the change I see. Or the times when I'm afraid to be alone with my thoughts I know that's the growth in me. This person that I know as me, is just that ME. And each day I'm learning to accept who I am and the person that I am becoming. Because when I look into myself I know that I am the master of my fate, and the captain of my soul. When I find it hard to motive myself or believe in the person that I am becoming I often times remember certain things that inspire me to become greater.


Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

And there you have you have in a nut shell, INSPIRATION...this is what I see when I look into myself...

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