...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...

PLEASE NOTE...this is my personal blog with my personal feelings...


08 March, 2012

For you...through a process of me...

When I first met you, I though you were perfect. You had everything I thought I wanted in one package. I eventually grew to love you and wanted you, to be with me, forever. As we grew up and grew apart I thought you may have been just for a season and I didn't want to accept you for only a reason. I tried to hold on to the thought of you. I didn't want to let you go.  Everything that I need and wanted was in you except for love. You loved me but not the same way I loved you. I eventually decided to accept you as just a friend, but deep down I couldn't keep the way I felt bottled up inside. Sometimes it's hurts and causes me to potentially dwell on what we could have had. I find myself wanting to package you up and distribute you to my other suitors, knowing that, that's not healthy. I find it funny that I'm learning how to love from the rawest form, and I'm learning to get over a love that was never there. If I took you and broke you down and changed you around to the person I felt I needed I would only be hurting myself more. It's crazy how I call you when I hang up with someone else to fill that void that I some how need you to fill. I now consider you as one of my best friends, but I know it is in one of the most unhealthy forms of friendships there is. I need to let you go. This friendship has been a roll-a-coaster on my end, and I'm pretty sure it hasn't be easy for you either. This has been my most platonic friendship ever with someone that I have emotionally love. We've never kissed or even shared a lingering hug, but at some moments I've longed for you more than I longed for anyone else. I know in order for me to grow as a person I need to stop trying to keep you in my life for a lifetime and understand that you were JUST for a reason. I love you and wish you the best but I need to let you go. I'm working on me and this is a part of my process, and figureing out that I was putting a coma were God put a period was unheatly for me and you. Thanks for being my friend and eventually showing me were just a reason. I love you XOXOXO, be blessed.

-Mo

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