It’s crazy how one reaction or lack thereof can change everything. Have you ever stepped out on a limb and done something and wondered if it was good enough, even when it was done simply because you wanted to? You weren’t asked to do it, but you did it because it felt right…and then you were rejected and made to feel like what you did was not good enough. What do you do next? What do you do when you don’t even get a “thank you”?
All I really wanted to say was “you’re welcome”. I didn’t want anything else; I just wanted to show you how much I appreciated you. But you took that away from me. Part of me feels rejected and slightly like a throw away. Some of this becomes a reflection on me and it makes me wonder why I need to be accepted by you so much, and not just you but everything around me. What in me needed you to know that I appreciate you? When you look at the situation shouldn’t it have been that you appreciated me?
Why are there so many standards and stipulations that we place on our lives to please those around you. You do things, you say things, you wear things, you change parts of yourself to be a “right” fit with someone who you know and feel you are not equally yoked with. Why do we not listen to our hearts when we know and can feel with every muscle in our bodies or even with just one small pore that this person isn’t a right fit for you? We have an internal battle with our heart and mind. We want to feel good and will take the external feeling over the internal feeling. We want what feels good right now, not down the road. We need that instant satisfaction. What we don’t realize is that the external and instant are what causes us such pain. What makes us need to feel needed by those that don’t even appreciate our small gestures?
It seems like today is different from yesterday. Just a simple sign to show you I cared has completely thrown my world upside down.
This at the moment may feel like a mockery but, it gets better. These types of situations are learning experiences. It helps you open your eyes and learn to be a better person.
I know that one day it’s going to get better and I won’t have to solicit a “you’re welcome” and they will come naturally. I think at the end of the day I just want to be a perfect fit with someone and just appreciated.