...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...

PLEASE NOTE...this is my personal blog with my personal feelings...


16 October, 2013

Maybe...

Maybe you should just change who you are. It's really easy, just be someone else. Maybe if I was five inches shorter and 100 pounds lighter. Maybe if he thought I was pretty and the symmetry in my face was better. If only I was more cultured and studied religion he would see me differently. Maybe if I went to an Ivy League and not a HBCU he would have given me a second glance. Maybe then he would have seen me for me. Maybe then he would have seen the inside of my heart. Maybe then he would have felt my soul. Maybe then he would have known that all of my being just wanted him near.

Maybe you should just change who you are, it's really easy. Maybe if I wore my hair natural and I was apart of the curl box crew. Better yet maybe I should wear a weave down my back. Maybe you should wear dresses and heels more. Maybe if I wore makeup everyday with deep cut tees would he have noticed me. Maybe then he would have felt my heart pounding the letters of his name. Maybe he would have understood my touch.

Maybe you should just change, it would be extremely easy. Maybe if it didn't happen my soul wouldn't feel like it's ripping apart. Then maybe I could be the type of person that he accepts. Then I could be good enough to enter his world to be seen in the day. Maybe then I wouldn't sit and wonder what could have been if it didn't happen.

I wanted him to see me for me. I wanted him to see my heart. I wanted him to see my need. I wanted him to feel pain. I wanted him to see me. I tried to open my soul so wide that there wasn't room for misinterpretation. But I couldn't and I've tried to figure out why. I searched and searched and searched. So maybe if I was different. Maybe if I was prettier. Maybe if I was greater. He would have seen me for who I am and not the girl he thinks I am.