...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...

PLEASE NOTE...this is my personal blog with my personal feelings...


16 October, 2013

Maybe...

Maybe you should just change who you are. It's really easy, just be someone else. Maybe if I was five inches shorter and 100 pounds lighter. Maybe if he thought I was pretty and the symmetry in my face was better. If only I was more cultured and studied religion he would see me differently. Maybe if I went to an Ivy League and not a HBCU he would have given me a second glance. Maybe then he would have seen me for me. Maybe then he would have seen the inside of my heart. Maybe then he would have felt my soul. Maybe then he would have known that all of my being just wanted him near.

Maybe you should just change who you are, it's really easy. Maybe if I wore my hair natural and I was apart of the curl box crew. Better yet maybe I should wear a weave down my back. Maybe you should wear dresses and heels more. Maybe if I wore makeup everyday with deep cut tees would he have noticed me. Maybe then he would have felt my heart pounding the letters of his name. Maybe he would have understood my touch.

Maybe you should just change, it would be extremely easy. Maybe if it didn't happen my soul wouldn't feel like it's ripping apart. Then maybe I could be the type of person that he accepts. Then I could be good enough to enter his world to be seen in the day. Maybe then I wouldn't sit and wonder what could have been if it didn't happen.

I wanted him to see me for me. I wanted him to see my heart. I wanted him to see my need. I wanted him to feel pain. I wanted him to see me. I tried to open my soul so wide that there wasn't room for misinterpretation. But I couldn't and I've tried to figure out why. I searched and searched and searched. So maybe if I was different. Maybe if I was prettier. Maybe if I was greater. He would have seen me for who I am and not the girl he thinks I am.

31 August, 2012

The fighting side of life...

So as some of you know I deleted my Facebook around two months ago, and not a week goes by that someone does not ask me "what happened" or "when are you coming back".  So to shed I little light on the situation this is what I wrote a few minutes before I deleted. Does this have anything to do with why I deleted it, maybe! But this is what was going through my head. at the moment

 I deserve better, and someday I will encounter people that will invest equally into my life as I do theirs. This life we will live can be taking from us at any moment, and I refuse to continue to seek acceptance from those that don't care to value who I am as a person. No more one sided friendships or relationship. I cant keep giving and allowing people to take without taking myself into consideration. Your opinions about me are just that opinions, remember everyone has them. I've lived my entire life seeking to please others and disregarding what I needed. I have this strange moral code that consist of this open heart in which some think they can do and say whatever they want because I will brush it off and not worry about it. Maybe it's the representative that I've made for myself and thats my fault. A person can only take so much before they break. Remember we're human and with that we have emotions and sometimes there uncontrollable.Sometimes we can't help how we feel and how we react. It's apart of our fight or flight response. Have you ever felt like your heart was being ripped apart? Well I have and I can't continue to allow anyone to put me in a uncontrollable emotional space, and yes I understand that this may not be the most positive post but it's the truth and it comes from apart of my heart that needs to be open and honest. We as people have to show sides of ourselves that's open and human. There is no such thing as a perfect person and I am no where near perfect. I hurt, and I feel pain. Please value the people that you have in your life no matter how small of a roll they may have because you never know the value that they have for you in their life. If there's a reason why you feel that person should not be in your life, tell them. Don't make up something to make them go away be open an honest. That respect alone will take you further in life, because the truth will come out eventually. I am the most important person in my life not anyone else, and I need to remember that. That's not meant to sound selfish, it's meant to remind my self that I am important also. And I can't continue to give others more value in my life than I do myself.

Monique 


"When people show you who the are the first time, believe them." -Maya Angelou

Reading is fundamental...


Stieg Larsson's The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest has been by far the best book of the "The Millennium-Lisbeth Slander" trilogy. I enjoyed every second of it. If you have the time to pick up a book this fall and read I suggest this one. You can still follow the story without reading the first two but what fun is that just pick up all three.

27 May, 2012

Day 6: 30 Day Challenges Letter, Picture, and Music...

#30daychallenge: Check out the Original Post with all the details for the challenge here.

Day 6

Letter: Write a Letter to a Stranger...

This will be short and sweet...
I know you've heard the saying never judge a book by it's cover. Well that's it, that's the entire point. Never judge a person buy what you see on first sight. Your eyes could very well be deceiving you. Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. I added that because when there is a problem between people always remember there are three sides to every story; What A said, what B said, and then what really happened and everyones perception is going to be different. So unless you're willing to take the time out to find out who that person really is leave your judgments to yourself and mind your business...

-Me

Picture: Someone I Love...

(((ME)))
It took a really long time for me to love me. There were moments when I looked at myself in the mirror and did not recognize the person looking back at me. I have to love me first before I can love anybody else; my mom, my aunt, etc etc. When you have no clue who you are and how to love yourself you take relationships for granted and don't realized the power your thoughts have over you. If you don't love and support yourself how can you allow anyone else to love and support you!!!

Music: A Song That Reminds You of Somewhere...



My family is from Georgia, I went to college in Georgia, and one of my favorite places to be where my soul feels at peace is Savannah, Georgia...

17 May, 2012

Was That Good Enough...

It’s crazy how one reaction or lack thereof can change everything. Have you ever stepped out on a limb and done something and wondered if it was good enough, even when it was done simply because you wanted to? You weren’t asked to do it, but you did it because it felt right…and then you were rejected and made to feel like what you did was not good enough. What do you do next? What do you do when you don’t even get a “thank you”?

 All I really wanted to say was “you’re welcome”. I didn’t want anything else; I just wanted to show you how much I appreciated you. But you took that away from me. Part of me feels rejected and slightly like a throw away. Some of this becomes a reflection on me and it makes me wonder why I need to be accepted by you so much, and not just you but everything around me. What in me needed you to know that I appreciate you? When you look at the situation shouldn’t it have been that you appreciated me?

 Why are there so many standards and stipulations that we place on our lives to please those around you. You do things, you say things, you wear things, you change parts of yourself to be a “right” fit with someone who you know and feel you are not equally yoked with. Why do we not listen to our hearts when we know and can feel with every muscle in our bodies or even with just one small pore that this person isn’t a right fit for you? We have an internal battle with our heart and mind. We want to feel good and will take the external feeling over the internal feeling. We want what feels good right now, not down the road. We need that instant satisfaction. What we don’t realize is that the external and instant are what causes us such pain. What makes us need to feel needed by those that don’t even appreciate our small gestures?

 It seems like today is different from yesterday. Just a simple sign to show you I cared has completely thrown my world upside down.

 This at the moment may feel like a mockery but, it gets better. These types of situations are learning experiences. It helps you open your eyes and learn to be a better person.

 I know that one day it’s going to get better and I won’t have to solicit a “you’re welcome” and they will come naturally. I think at the end of the day I just want to be a perfect fit with someone and just appreciated.


I can tell a storyAbout a girl I knewDraw the perfect pictureBut it wouldn't be all the truth
Envision every momentRelay it back to youWrite it down in scriptureBut you would know its you
A woman out for loveBut she gets lost along the wayEveryday grows harderCuz the light might dim away
I could speak the futureSpeak of your love as if it were mine, mineUse you as my subjectBut I'm still lost as to what it isAnd tryna find
A woman out for loveBut you gets lost along the wayYou think a man is the answerTruth is you're our only waySo envision every momentrelay it back to meI'll write a song for foreverThe light will always stay
I'll write a songFor forever more
I'll write you all the songsSo the light won't dim awayJust to envision every womanlost her true loveImagine every loverFilled with peace and trust
Envision every womanLost her true loveImagine every loverFilled with peace and trust
Envision every womanLost her true loveImagine every loverFilled with peace and trust

16 May, 2012

Day 5: 30 Day Challenges Letter, Picture, and Music...

#30daychallenge Check out the Original Post with all the details for the challenge here.

Day 5

Letter: Write a letter to your dreams...

My darling dreams...sometimes you scare me. It feels like your going to fast and I don't know which way is up. What I can say is that you have always been constant and you've never lacked the drive. Sometime I fight and I remain in a constant battle with my mind and my heart on were I should proceed with you next. Thank you for never giving up and always being the one thing I can always count on to keep me going. It's funny how some days I wake up and realize that my latest dreams are no longer dreams and are being lived out day to day by me...and you've moved on to the next thing to keep me motivated and pushing. I will never stop dreaming and making goals for myself.  Dreaming is the beginning, the goal is the reality, and making my dreams become my reality is my everyday hustle :-P

-Monique

Picture: Childhood Memory

This is a picture of my Great Grandfather and myself, it's been the background picture on my phone for about 4 years now. I was 4 years old when this was snapped. He was born on July 4, 1916 and he past away on April 2, 2002. He walked this earth for 85 years. I'm pretty sure the reason why we took this picture was because I had a band aid on and knowing me it wasn't anything under it.  The reason why I chose this picture as my childhood memory was because every year like clock work we went to see my Granddaddy Harold around his birthday. It was a summer trip I always looked forward to. He lived right behind a rail road track and had a pecan tree in his backyard. So the sound of a train horn and the smell, feel and taste of pecans are very nostalgic to me. Every year when we visited my cousins and I would always come home with a jar full of change because he didn't like change and would just throw it in a jar when he came home. His dollar's were always crisp like they were just printed at a  factory. I miss his stories and the smell of his pipe as seen above in this picture. Because I was in college at the time I wasn't able to attend his funeral :-(  But every time I pick up my phone I see this picture and I am reminded and flooded with all his memories...

Music: A Song That Reminds you of Someone...


This song reminds me of him even when I don't want it to...You're not good for me not even as a friend and I've never even shared something as simple as a kiss you you...


A New Summer Scent...

I'm gonna start this off by saying I'm not a big perfume person. I have a very funny nose that reacts to everything. Don't get me wrong I do own some but, I pretty much have to walk around with tissue because I never know when it's going to run uncontrollably. Which is why when it comes perfumes I become very picky. I even avoid the perfume aisles in department stores. No I don't want to smell that and can you get out of my face and stop harassing everyone...lol...
Everyday for Women: http://www.thejayeveryday.com/shop.php
SO with that being said I actually came across a perfume that I like and my nose agree's with. And I think it's super cool that I know that guy who put out this fragrance. Ladies and Gentlemen allow me to introduce you to my friend Jermaine "Everyday" Smith and his Everyday for Women fragrance, and I must tell you with summer right around the corner I think we have one of our new favorite summer time scents on our hands.  So pull out your wallet and place an order...

Just image the reaction on a beautiful summer day when the wind hits you at the right angle and you smell this light clean smell with hints of Rose and Amber that brings a smile on your face...and you know you smell good. It just adds to your confidence and presence and helps you take the extra step just to make sure those around you can smell it to :-P

I must tell you that his drive and dedication to his brand alone will have you placing orders to get your hands on this fragrance or to just simply be apart of whatever he has going on. Be it his radio show, plays, social media forum, etc etc etc... He's changing lives and writing history all at the same time.
Everyday Radio: http://www.thejayeveryday.com/index.php
When you get the chance please check out him out via the links below...Thanks

Fragrance: Everyday for Women

Also, Jay recently did an interview with Daily Venus Diva Magazine click here to read the article and to find out more about what drove him to create a fragrance with the "Everyday Women" in mind...

PS...if you look very closely you will find me in his Everyday for Women collage above...Its like Where's Waldo but were looking for Mo ;-P

04 May, 2012

Something Beautiful...

From: Me
To: You


When I hear this song I think about you.  Something Beautiful, something that feels right.  I wanna go to a place were I'm nothing and everything. I like the way you make me feel the way nothing matters when I'm near you. I wanna go to a place were time has no consequences. You are something Beautiful that captures my thoughts. You take me to a place that exists between here and nowhere. Engulfed by thoughts of you seconds from each other. How do I express to you that I think you are something Beautiful...because you take me to a place were I can hold the intangible and let go of the pain with all my might.

I guess maybe?!?!?!

-Mo

Day 4: 30 Day Challenges Letter, Picture, and Music...

#30daychallenge Check out the Original Post with all the details for the challenge here.

Day 4

Letter: A Letter to your sibling (or closet relative)...

Closet relative it is since I'm an only child...or a general letter to my younger cousins. You guys give me breath. I admire you all and I'm so very proud of you. You are all special to me in an individual way. I learn so much from you guys every day. I couldn't ask for a greater group of people to be related to. Although at times it hard to keep up with you all (since it's about 100 of you...lol) I find myself stalking facebook, twitter, or some kind of news article since some of you are a BIG DEAL ;-P. You bring joy to my life and I am so grateful for you all. Love you much XOXOXOXOXO...Our Grandparents Carolyn, Harold, TC, and Alberta would be so proud of the men and women you have become. Keep up the good work.

- Your Momo

Picture: Favorite Color...

Purple

Isn't it beautiful...?

Music: A Song That Makes You Sad...




For all we know
We may never meet again
Before you go
Make this moment sweet again

We won't say goodnight
Until the last minute
I'll hold out my hand
And my heart will be in it

For all we know
This may only be a dream
We come and we go
Like the ripples of a stream

So love me, love me tonight
tomorrow was made for some
tomorrow may never come
for all we know 


Fun.: We Are Young ft. Janelle MonĂ¡e [OFFICIAL VIDEO]