...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...

PLEASE NOTE...this is my personal blog with my personal feelings...


28 October, 2011

Maybe...

it's funny how something so superficial to some becomes everything to others!

Maybe it's the way you looked at me that had me stuck in a trance. Or it could have been how you held my hand gently as we walked for what seemed like forever. It could have been how you said hello, but what I do know is that I'm hooked. It may have been how you said my name or how you held my glace. It could have been the way you placed your finger nails that become your hand on the small of my back, but what I do know is that you have me thinking about the possibilities to come. It could have been the way you catered to my needs, or how you ignored me at the right times. Or maybe it was how attentive you were and knowing that you cared. Maybe it was your product placement and your presentation of it all, but what I do know is that you had me at hello, I'm great, and bye. It could have been how you made me feel so wanted that all I could do was think about every moment with you. Or maybe it was the way you exuded joy from your soul, and how you make other's feel. It could have been the way you allowed me to be there at every moment, or the lingering of a kiss that never happened. But clearly you have me at the moment thinking about you at every given chance.

It's something about you that makes me want more, to be apart of your life even it's it just for hello's. I'm trying to find peace with it all trying to find a way to make it all come together. A part of me wonder's if it's all in my head. It could have been that I let my imagination get the best. I keep wondering if you wanted me as much as I wanted you, and if it was for more than just one night. When you cross my mind there's a smile on my face, and it brings me pleasure to know your the subject of that joy. I find it hard to look at you the same. I can't seem to look at you as the person I saw before, I only see those moment's as if they're caught in time. I keep wondering if it's the same for you. I find it hard to be this caught up in someone without and inch of return. You weren't who I was looking for, but then again I wasn't looking. This experience came out of left field and threw me a curve ball.

It's funny how one person can throw your life in shambles without even knowing. How their presence alone can hook you from hello. Maybe it's for the better. But who knows what tomorrow may bring. Just maybe you know, it could have been. At the end of the day I just to say thank you, for allowing me to see more than what was and what could have been. Maybe that's what I needed in order to move along with life. Just know that you're the cause to the to smile that's really bright. All I know is that I'm hooked forever and a day from the moment I saw you, and said hello, I'm great, and bye!

26 October, 2011

You + Me = Zero

You + Me = Zero, or Me + You = Zero, either way it goes no where! It comes a point in life when we have to sit back and say I am more important to me than I thought I was. We have to allow our self the respect we deserve and no one can give it to you but you. I for one fall in this situation to often to many. Any glimmer of kindness sends me into a head over hills infatuated state. Maybe it's the lack of positive attention that does it for me. It seems that most times the bad out weighs the good in my situations. Or maybe it's because I secretly know that you are unattainable. I try not to let that hinder or influence my thoughts but obviously that's not the case. It's easy for us to fall for the guy that's not right for you. The guy that only gives you attention after the sun goes down. Or the one you have the hots for that lives more than 600 miles away. You have the guy that only contact's you when returning your communication. And so on and so one. The list can continue and with each scenario you will find someone on the other end wishing for more. But at the end of the day without a equal conclusion on where were going you + me will always be zero.

**Not sure where I was going with this. How I started was not how I wanted to end. But I'm sharing it anyways because this is where my mind took me.

22 October, 2011

Personal Responsibility

At what point in our lives do we begin to take personal responsibility of what's going on with our given situation? When do we have that moment when we say, "you know what I did that and I take full responsibility for what happened". For some of us it happens when we are kids. For others it never happens. I wonder what happens in our upbringing that shapes when and if we have this "epiphany". I've been thinking lately about how I deal with most situations. I'm usually that person that takes the burden of all my situations personal and directly. I may have only said hi to someone, but will say "well you did decide to walk into that room". It's funny how I've put so much pressure on myself to try and understand everything around me. I sometimes think, what if I didn't internalize everything, would I be a different person. And the answer to that would be YES, but would it make me a better person or would I just be one of the people I roll my eye's at and say, "well what did you do to lead to this problem". Now, would I like who I am if I had these difference's, yes an no. There is something about just doing that personally appeals to me. To be able to jump head first without thinking about what's next makes my heart flutter. Sometimes I envy those that don't think about their actions, but then again I am who I am and I accept that. With every thought, plan, and consequence negative or positive, I can always say I took the responsibility to get to this point. And I fully understand my part even if I don't acknowledge everything else.

03 October, 2011

Domestic Violence Awareness

A lot of people don't know that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I think that all of us at one point in our lives have experienced some form Domestic Violence. Rather is was physical, verbal, or emotional we have all suffered from the hands or words of others. And if you haven't seen it first hand as an experience of yours I'm positive you know someone personally that has, and at the end of the day you're effected by that also. It seems that some people think Domestic Violence is something that only women suffer from but men as well have the same problem. The rates my not be the same but none the less it's the SAME thing.

So in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness I've gather some information to share with you via National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the Hotline.

What is Domestic Violence:
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
Does not want you to work.
Controls finances or refuses to share money.
Punishes you by withholding affection.
Expects you to ask permission.
Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:


Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
Scared you by driving recklessly.
Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
Forced you to leave your home.
Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
Hurt your children.
Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:


Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
Held you down during sex.
Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
Ignored your feelings regarding sex.




 What is Battering?
  • Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person with whom an intimate relationship is or has been shared through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes that they are entitled to control another.
 Who is battered?
  • In all cultures, batterers are most commonly male. Rural and urban women of all religious, ethnic, socio-economic and educational backgrounds, and of varying ages, physical abilities and lifestyles can be affected by domestic violence. There is not a typical woman who will be battered - the risk factor is being born female.
  • Heterosexual males may also be victims of domestic violence as perpetrated by their female partners. They experience the same dynamics of interpersonal violence as female victims including experiences of disbelief, ridicule and shame that only enhance their silence.
For more information please visit these websites:

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence 

The Hotline

The Domestic Violence Awareness Project  

If you are in danger, please call 911, your local hotline, or (in the U.S.) the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

01 October, 2011

Breast Cancer Awareness

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As some of you know this cause is very personal to me. I lost my grandmother to Brest Cancer in 1998. She was diagnosed in 1995, had surgery, went thorough chemo and radiation. Was told everything was okay three years later we learned it metastasized to her spleen, liver, and all over. In addition my grandmother's sister is currently fighting breast and bone cancer. She had a mastectomy last month. I had my first ultra sound a year ago after my doctor found a lump on my right breast during my annul appointment. Although everything was okay, it was fight to get my insurance company to pay for it. My doctor originally wanted to do a mammogram. I can remember for years asking my doctors to test me, in which they would reply it's not a immediate concern because it was your grandmother not your mother. Please don't take that answer from your doctors. Demand that they test you and fight your insurance companies to pay for it. Early detection can determine and save your life.


 


  Here is some general information regarding Breast Cancer that I got from the National Breast Cancer Foundation.
Breast cancer is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in the tissues of the breast. It is considered a heterogeneous disease—differing by individual, age group, and even the kinds of cells within the tumors themselves. Obviously no woman wants to receive this diagnosis, but hearing the words “breast cancer” doesn’t always mean an end. It can be the beginning of learning how to fight, getting the facts, and finding hope.


Women in the United States get breast cancer more than any other type of cancer except for skin cancer. It is second only to lung cancer as a cause of cancer death in women.

Each year it is estimated that nearly 200,000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer and more than 40,000 will die. Approximately 1,700 men will also be diagnosed with breast cancer and 450 will die each year. The evaluation of men with breast masses is similar to that in women, including mammography.


Generally, early breast cancer does not cause pain. Even so, a woman should see her health care provider about breast pain or any other breast cancer symptoms that do not go away.





Common signs & symptoms of breast cancer include:

  • A change in how the breast or nipple feels.
  • You may experience nipple tenderness or notice a lump or thickening in or near the breast or in the underarm area.
  • A change in how the breast or nipple look.
  • This could mean a change in the size or shape of the breast or a nipple that is turned slightly inward. In addition, the skin of the breast, areola or nipple may appear scaly, red or swollen or may have ridges or pitting that resembles the skin of an orange.
  • Nipple discharge.
For more information please visit these websites:

American Cancer Society

National Breast Cancer Foundation



31 July, 2011

This is what LUST sounds like...

"Imagination"
[Intro:]
There are so many things we can do.
You can taste you can touch you can make moves.
Just use your imagination.
You are creation.

[Hook:]

There are so many things that we can do.
Use your imagination.
You can taste, you can touch, you can make moves.
Use you imagination.
Use you imagination.
[Verse 1:]

Close your eyes.
Let your expectations fade.
I’m your favorite memory.
Remember me.
Never again have you felt this way.
Lets improvise.
If you know how baby.
I can be you everything.

[B-sec:]

If you can’t recall,
I can show you who you are.
I see you.
I see your empire.
I see you so much higher.
It’s time to grow baby.
Use your imagination.
[Hook:]

[Verse 2:]

Open your mind,
Let your knowingness free.
I’m your favorite melody.
Listen to me.
Inside me is the universe.
Lets explore.
Searching for evidence,
Of a higher life force.
[B-sec:]

If you can’t recall,
I can show you who you are.
I see who you are.
I see you.
So let me nurture your reality.
It’s time grow baby.
Use your imagination.
[Hook:]
[Bridge:]

It’s all perception my love.
All is how we read it.
We are more than we think.
Do you see?
I am of the All,
And the All is of me.
Imagine that,
Now Be.
Be.
[Outro:]

Use your imagination [repeat]

29 July, 2011

Today's reflection...

Today I woke up with a heavy heart. Someone was on my mind and I realized this person was not whom I perceived them to be. It was heartbreaking to know that I gave and gave and this person took and took only to walk way as if it was nothing. As I grow as a person I give a little more each time, but situations like this take me back to hardened person I once was. I understand that although people change, small elements of them remain the same, and sometimes when you least expect it you find that they were never the person you perceived them to be. Today this was my realization. It came at confusing time but understand it's a process of life. I secretly wish things could have stayed as they were with you being my confidant, but that would not have been fair to either of us, and in the end I would have hurt worst tomorrow than I do today.


P.S. Please understand that the title of this blog is Mo's Conundrum (...taking a journey through life, attempting to fit all the pieces of this puzzle together...) I don't have it figured out. I'm not perfect it. I'm human with different emtions that run through my head on the daily basis. I take it day by day and on some days I chose to write about it...

28 July, 2011

The Morning After...

As some of you know and other don’t I've always had this love affair with Maze Ft. Frankie Beverly's song "The Morning After". Most of my friends have heard me randomly humming the melody or singing the chorus. Some people have even been subjected to listening to it over and over again. There has never been a clear reason why. But this song has always stuck with me from the first moment my ears set to it. I've never fully been in this situation, but I can take bits and pieces that may have crossed my mind in different situations. No one has ever taking me to a point that as this song played, images of us crossed and played in my mind like a perfect symphony until recently. It's almost as if I can set our friendship to this song and think about the tragedy that's going to be my Morning After. Not lyrically word for word but situational I'm like damn. Like I've said before you've brought a certain meaning to my life, and I will be forever grateful for the role that you have recently played. So it pretty much goes like this. I've truly enjoyed our friendship. Yes, it has had a few bumps but nothing too major. It was one of those thing were we enjoyed each other’s company. I finally found someone to listen to me. Not tell me what I should be thinking, how I should be acting, or how I should feel. I found someone that chimed in at the right time with a non biased opinion, that allowed me to look and things from the different view point. I found someone that understood the meaning of having a moment, and not another person to tell me that I should not be thinking that way. I found someone that I was truly attracted to the person. Yeah I kind of think you’re crazy (and I repeat you're such an ass) but it takes one to know one:-p and that's what I enjoy most. I appreciate you for who you are. The part of you that allowed me in and the part that kept me far. The part of you that I have come to turst and value. I’m really going to miss you and this friendship that was way too short. I will be forever grateful to you for allowing me to JUST LET GO, it’s been a long time since that happened and I forgot how it felt. Our Morning After is coming up in a few days all of the fun will be over. I will MISS YOU and THANK YOU!

-Mo

15 July, 2011

What is Love and What does Love feel like...

Today I was told by a friend that they were disappointed that I've never been in love. It actually made me sit back and think about my life and why is this true. I know I've loved before. I can count how many times I've loved. I can see their faces, hear their voices, feel their touch. And then I realized that it was all a false perception that I've taught myself to believe about life and love. You couldn't imagine some of things I've been told on why I'm not datable but yet fuckable. I've heard that I'm not pretty enough or smart enough. I've heard that I'm to pretty, or to smart. I've heard that I'm to fat or to tall. I've even heard that I'm to much of a good person, or that I'm mean. I've heard you would be my now if I wasn't with my now (girlfriend, wife, etc). And the list goes on. How can I ever experience love when I can't find someone that can see past my slight imperfections. I know that due to some of my experiences I've turned myself off. I ignore the advances and the slight lingering of a hello. I turn a blind eye to the side conversations outside of the group. When I'm asked for my number I simply say with a smile, thank you but I'm okay, all to like or fall for the guy that's unavailable. The guy that's in another state, or the one that's just out to have a good time, or the guy that has no interest in me what so ever. The guy that doesn't think twice about my slight advances or lingering hello's. I think this is a way for me to protect myself, but in the long run it only hurts, because I can't allow myself to be that girl. I can't be that girl that falls for that guy to get hurt so I just hurt myself in the process. Why can't this type of love be good enough to sustain my need for outside love. I mean my mom loves me, my friends love me, I even love myself. But for some reason these types of conversation always bring me back to wondering what it feels like to be loved. I wonder if that's even for me. Most times when conversations about love come up I feel completely empty, confused, and numb. I think can I ever love? I know I've talked about this subject before, and sometimes I think I'm completely over it. And then someone reminds me of that slight part of life that I've never experienced and I question the purpose of it all. Why do we need it, and how can I long for something that I've never experienced. How can a miss something I know nothing about. How can something that seems so simple make me feel so empty if I don't know what it is. I guess I will keep asking this question. One day I may even figure it out. Hey I might just experience it, and then I can stop asking What is love, and What does it feel like.

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."
               ~~Anais Nin~~

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up"

               ~~James A. Baldwin~~

07 July, 2011

Brown Sugar

So, Brown Sugar came on the other day, and it does not matter where I am or what I'm doing I try my best to sit and watch this movie. Well up until one point, the point where Kelby kisses Sid on their first date. That kiss will go down in history as one of my favorite movie kisses. And I think everyone that knows me know this by now. I mean from the moment that he grabs her by the arm and goes in I'm like yeah that's it right there. I need that in my life. I love it!

So, can somebody kiss me the way Kelby kissed Sid on their first date?

05 July, 2011

I will... (REPOST)

I will no longer engage in things based off your feelings, and your point of view of me.

Thanks Mo

For some reason I forgot this, I had to say out loud for myself and say"snap the fu(c)k out of it Monique".

04 July, 2011

...and now what!!!

What's next is the question I keep asking myself. I can't seem to understand the thought of not being good enough. How do you move on and keep pushing when you're not 100% honest with yourself and how you are feeling? How can you be this person that people expect you to be when you feel like you are not good enough for the situation at hand? I really wish I believed in this person. I wish I knew this person. I wish that one day there will be a 100% acceptance thought, and I won't have to ask and now what!

I keep coming back to this making changes. I'm not sure if it 100% reflective of how I feel. This is reflective of me in the moment. I just really need to know what's next and learn how to completely believe in myself...

03 July, 2011

New Phase...

I've finally made up my mind to take the next step. It's time for me to stop thinking of the what could, what should, and what would be. It's time to stop thinking and start doing. I can't plan everything in every single moment. Sometimes I have to not cross my T's and dot my I's. I'm going with my heart for once in my life and moving forward. Hopefully this new venture will bring me the happiness I've been seeking. This new phase is going to be awesome. GO MO!!!!!!

30 June, 2011

Blue in Green

Its not that often I can't express myself in words. Some days are better than others. I find that when I'm nervous I jumble my words and nothing that comes out makes since. I have to stop myself, breathe, and start over. On most days I can find a song that,express my emotions. I love music, and you can find me busting out in random song due to a phrase that was said. Last night I was having a hard time, so I broke out my cure for any remedy stuff, which usually consist of jazz. I played what I had and did some internet surfing. I came across Miles Davis'-Blue In Green and from the first note I was like this is how I feel. Now this isn't the first time I heard this song, but last night I was hearing it with a different set of ears. So I decided to share it here...ENJOY!!!

29 June, 2011

The weight of the world…


For a few days now my heart has felt heavy. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world for the people that I care about. It’s funny how the dynamics of my life has changed. I go from not caring at all too having a bleeding heart. Maybe it’s my protective factor that makes me not care, but it’s failing me. If you know me you know that my mind spins, and spins, and spins. It can’t keep quite. Don’t ever believe me if I’m gazing off in space and I say I wasn’t thinking about anything. Sometimes at the moment it may skip my mind but I have so many thoughts sometimes that their hard to keep up with. Lately it’s been over whelming…

...lost my train of thought, but I decided to post anyways…SMH

22 June, 2011

You're My?

I think I’m too nice to you. I’ve allowed you to see a part of my inner core and it scares me. I’ve taken a step back and realized that I cannot control every situation. I truly believe that people come into your life for a reason, season, and a lifetime, but I wish that you are only here for a reason. I’m hoping your reason, is just to show me to learn to enjoy life. I hope your reason, was to help me understand myself better. I pray your reason was to simply be someone that I could trust. Yes, these are the things I’ve gotten from you, and I thank you for this reason. But please let it just be this. I don’t think I could handle you for a season. Within a season, I may hurt myself. A may allow you to take all that I have and leave me empty with nothing else to give. I can’t allow myself to go down that road therefore I will bow out now. I need to keep my sanity and preserve the person that I am and the person that I am becoming. Please don’t take this the wrong way, and I’m sure you’re not concerned. But I have to let you know why I can’t continue on this path, and thank you for starting me on this journey. I appreciate all that you’ve done. Promise me that you understand, and if this doesn’t work and you remain for a lifetime, be sure to stay true you yourself, and just simply be my friend.

12 June, 2011

Real Life...

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” -Marilyn Monroe

04 June, 2011

The price of happiness...

At what price do we pay to be happy. How much of ourselves do we need to give up in order to become more than just content with our everyday lives. I keep asking myself this question over and over again. I wonder is it all in vain, the sacrifice, the struggle, the compromise. How often do we smile and continue to keep going when we feel as though our world is crumbling around us. How often do you find your self being the supporting factor for others. How often do we  find our self being that shoulder keeping others standing tall to turn around and find you have to shoulder in return. How often have you needed that personal touch to find that you are all alone, and in the end find that there is no such thing as happiness. The other day I had a pity party with my self. I thought about all the wrong things about myself. I asked I wasn't I prettier. I asked why can't I see this person in the mirror that I hear so much about. I asked wasn't I smarter, I didn't I know how to apply myself. I asked why wasn't I skinnier, I mean it's hard trying to keep up this plus figure let alone loss weight in the process. I asked why wasn't I more successful, I mean I did everything by the book like I was supposed to do. I asked I wasn't I happy, and are these twisted thoughts that I've carried all my life apart of the road to happiness. Some days I feel completely numb other days I feel as if I own the world and nothing can touch me. My numb days have never stopped me, those days I've learned to keep pushing and look at the brighter side of my life. It's the days when I feel as though nothing can touch me do I question weather or not I deserve to feel this way. I asked have a worked hard enough. I've learned throughout my life that nothing is free or easy you have to work and work hard for all the things that you want in life. And with this somewhere I've also taught myself that maybe you don't deserve to be happy. For some reason I have become to accustomed to pain and suffering. Every time things begin to look better they seem to turn around and say not yet Mo it's not your time. You haven't paid the price to be happy yet. Currently feel like something is sitting on my chest. I mean literally my heart feels heavy with sorrow. I'm usually good at finding the root of my pain. But this time I can't seem to pin point my unhappiness. I find myself spacing out and not going anywhere. Its though my mind is completely empty. Maybe I'm reaching another milestone in my life. Maybe this time I will reach my rainbow, maybe this currently struggle will come with the bell and whistles and shinny things that place smiles on faces. Maybe when I turn the corner I will no longer question if I'm pretty enough, smart enough, shapely enough. Maybe in a few seconds the skin I'm in will feel better. Maybe I will no longer feel numb and my chest will be revealed from this weight. Maybe I will figure out the price of my happiness and no longer wish to just be content with life.

30 May, 2011

Love Conversations...

So I'm watching "Our Family Wedding" today on HBO. Now I've seen this movie before, but I found myself watching it like it was new ti me. Towards the end of the movie there is this scene with Lucia and Marcus. In this scene one of my favorite Love Songs is playing in the background Jose James' "Love Conversations". There is something about that scene that exposes the raw nature of love and even though it's just a movie it makes me feel some type of way. It maybe be that, that particular song is playing in the background and they were having a love conversation that did it for me. But non the less it was there, I could see someone in real life having that type of conversation. In all relationship there are those moments where you are pinned between your family and your relationship. When you have to take a moment and think what's more important them or us.  And you realized that life is about comprises but meeting each other in the middle is how you movie forward.

So I know that I've posted this song before but I'm doing it again.....ENJOY

Jose James-Love Conversations

28 May, 2011

Can I...

Can I have you? Are the words that I think every time I come across a picture of you.
Can I have you? Are my thoughts when I hear a song that sends me off to dream land.
Can I have you? Are moments away from a key stroke and simple send.
Can I have you? Are the thoughts that cross my mind and make me think I'm crazy.
Can I have you, please? Just for a moment, just for today and then maybe the next and the day after...
Just simply CAN I HAVE YOU???

21 May, 2011

The price of fame!!!

The price of fame comes with a beautiful blue dress deck out in shinny things that are deceiving to the eye!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Guy....

I've never really been the type of person that said I had a type when it comes to guys. I can remember joking around with people saying it would be nice if he was taller than me because I'm 6'2" which slims my pickings. Then I would say I need someone with a 401k, it could have only 5 bucks in it but he has it, dental insurance and a beautiful smile. Some people have even heard me say tall, dark, and handsome. A tall chocolate brother, with great teeth and a beautiful smile, would have me giving him my all and becoming a sugar momma. But at the end of the day it was never something I put thought into, that was what popped into my head. And then something happened. I really did sit down and think about the type of guy that could fit my mold. I wrote down the potentials the should haves and the need to haves. I wrote out the qualities and the looks. I thought about the body build i.e height...lol and the all around is this really what I want in my life. And guess what happened next he appeared, right there in the flesh not one, but two. I'm like "what, this type of stuff doesn't happen". You just don't think about what you need and want and it comes into your life just as easy as asking for a piece of gum. But that guy is the sh!t and I find my self cyber stalking him thinking (why don't we live in the same city) why can't you be as bold in this situation. Here you have these two guys one actually touchable, feel able and smellable. One you can only see in your computer but that does me just find temporarily. And here's the problem at hand what is about that guy that presents me with butterflies, that makes me clam up and second guess my intentions. I've never had many problems asking some guy to go out with me and saying hey I like you. So why can't I express to that guy whats really going on. I go back and fourth in my head like should I, could I, why won't I. I think if it's easy then it's not wroth it. But am I siking myself up that the perfect guy in my head and on paper is not wroth the work. I keep saying to myself get over your self Mo and work it out. Man it's funny how life throws these curve balls and shows you the glittery things that make it all worth it, and you turn around and think nawl that's not whats happening. But in the end it's nice to know that, that guy is out there and he comes in more than one form. I guess dreams really do exist.

12 April, 2011

I want you to read me....

I want you to read me. I want you to be able to read my thoughts. I need you to know what I’m thinking. I need you to know that I want you. I need you to know the things I want to do to you. I need you to be there for me when I need you most. I want you to read me. I need you to be so in tune that you’re never second guessing my actions. I need you to know that we fit like a perfectly designed puzzle. I want you to know that I want you. I need you to read this and automatically know that I’m talking to you. I want you to read me. I’m trying to become your second nature. I’m your forever

04 April, 2011

Let's talk about love....

My loves,

If you know me you know that I am constantly asking the questions: what is love? What does love feel like? what does love sound like? Me, I've never really been in love before. I may have thought I was but never truly in love.  But guess what if I could have ever envisioned what love looks, sounds, or feels like this video captured it for me. I need this in my life....

 I freaking love this video and song its awesome...(p.s .the video has lots of nudity...parental desecration  is advised...)



Timothy Bloom - 'Til The End Of Time ft. V

In My Head...

For some reason this song has been in my head like crazy so I decided to share.  It would have been cool if Amy could have been in the video....

"Valerie" - Mark Ronson, ft. Amy Winehouse.

02 April, 2011

Things that make me feel good inside...

I came across this video and I had to share it. From the first moment it popped up I started laughing. The innocence behind it is the best. I feel so much better right now, what concerned me before went away after seeing this. Love to find external factors that make you feel good inside.

I dreamed of you...

I dreamed of you last night.  Wried, yes I know. But non the less you were there. It was a pleasant surprise to my normal nightmares. A since of peace was what I felt when I woke up the next morning. Not frantic, tried or wired...just calm.

I dreamed of you last night. For some reason I can't keep you out of my mind. I constantly have thoughts of you. I imagine that your near. I imagine that your touchable, breathable, smellable. I envision that you need me to complete you as you complete me.

I dreamed of you last night, and thought it was a reality. When I woke I even looked for you, and realized it was just a dream. For some reason you have captured my thoughts and I feel a strong connection to you.

I dreamed of you last night...yes you silly...I know I don't know you...but you were there...I don't know what it means...how do you feel about that...well...just maybe...I dreamed we were walking around talking and laughing, totally fixed into each other...I dreamed the we were laying there in perfect peace...

I dreamed of you last night. You make me feel good inside. I find myself searching for you like crazy. I seek pictures of you, thoughts by you, and simple hello's from you. You have me in some kind of trance. I'm still trying to figure out the exact moment. You fascinate me.

I dreamed of you last night, a uncontrollable moment and thought. I'm not sure why, but I wish they continue, because for some reason you took away my nightmares. And for that I OWE YOU, because I dreamed of you last night.

15 February, 2011

I need your VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!

I would like to thank you guys for all your votes but the contest for the Face of Full Figured Fashion week has been cancelled.  THANK YOU so much for your support. You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for.

Hey all,

I've entered a contest to become the "Face of Full Figured Fashion Week™". It's a Cover Model Search. Full Figured Fashion Week is June 16-18, 2011 in New York. Please take the time and click here to cast your vote for me. It would be greatly appreciated. you should see the picture to the left and that's how you know its me.  You can only vote once per IP address, so please make sure you see my picture and name if you do decide to cast a vote for me.

If for some reason you are unable to link to my voting page above you can go directly to link here -> http://fffweek.com/2011/index.php?page=1&p=vote&c=95


  • Or you can go to fffweek.com
  • Click the link for The Face of FFFWeek Results (from the drop down box)
  • Search for my name Monique Robinson
  • Click the link and cast your vote.
THANK YOU SO MUCH in advanced!!!!
                                                                 
                                                       -Mo

20 January, 2011

Reading is fundamental...

Reading is fundamental...so check out these cool bookcases I came across while searching for one!
Posted by Picasa

19 January, 2011

Marsha Ambrosius - Far Away



WOW, was what I said when I first saw this video. What an amazing way to share a message to the masses. Thank you Marsha Ambrosius for sharing this to the world. At the end of this video she share's a message that reads...

Dear Friends,
Every year 1 million people commit SUICIDE.
Some were BULLIED because of there SEXUALITY.
I lost a friend to SUICIDE, and I'm asking all of
you to support alternate lifestyles.
Don't put up with or join in with the BULLYING.
Its time we become more aware of this WORLD.
Take responsibility to make a difference.
So if my music can save one life,
I've done my job.

I love you all so much.
-Marsha


For help for your self or someone you know, please contact the
With Help Comes Hope
(800) 273-TALK (8255)

18 January, 2011

Life Lessons...

I came across this quote the other day by Kelly Cutrone from her book If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You. So I though I would share.  I needed to read this at that time and it speaks as a life lesson to me. How about you?

"This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won’t feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can’t feel real joy unless you know what it means to fail. You can’t know what it’s like to feel holy until you know what it’s like to feel really fucking evil. And you can’t be birthed again until you’ve died."

Happy New Year...

...and I'm back, 18 days after the New Year, but non the less I'm back. So lets see I started my New Year off with a bang. I have some New Year's resolutions that I set, but I look at them as on going LIFE resolutions. Because life is about compromises and change within self. I had the Flu for the first time in my life and yes its sucks. But the best part of this New Year came on January 1, 2011. Your girl made the cover of an online magianze Daily Venus Diva yyyaaayyy clap for me. So if you have the time please click here to check out the interview. Here is the cover photo, go me!!! Thanks for the support...
And again HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!