it's funny how something so superficial to some becomes everything to others!
Maybe it's the way you looked at me that had me stuck in a trance. Or it could have been how you held my hand gently as we walked for what seemed like forever. It could have been how you said hello, but what I do know is that I'm hooked. It may have been how you said my name or how you held my glace. It could have been the way you placed your finger nails that become your hand on the small of my back, but what I do know is that you have me thinking about the possibilities to come. It could have been the way you catered to my needs, or how you ignored me at the right times. Or maybe it was how attentive you were and knowing that you cared. Maybe it was your product placement and your presentation of it all, but what I do know is that you had me at hello, I'm great, and bye. It could have been how you made me feel so wanted that all I could do was think about every moment with you. Or maybe it was the way you exuded joy from your soul, and how you make other's feel. It could have been the way you allowed me to be there at every moment, or the lingering of a kiss that never happened. But clearly you have me at the moment thinking about you at every given chance.
It's something about you that makes me want more, to be apart of your life even it's it just for hello's. I'm trying to find peace with it all trying to find a way to make it all come together. A part of me wonder's if it's all in my head. It could have been that I let my imagination get the best. I keep wondering if you wanted me as much as I wanted you, and if it was for more than just one night. When you cross my mind there's a smile on my face, and it brings me pleasure to know your the subject of that joy. I find it hard to look at you the same. I can't seem to look at you as the person I saw before, I only see those moment's as if they're caught in time. I keep wondering if it's the same for you. I find it hard to be this caught up in someone without and inch of return. You weren't who I was looking for, but then again I wasn't looking. This experience came out of left field and threw me a curve ball.
It's funny how one person can throw your life in shambles without even knowing. How their presence alone can hook you from hello. Maybe it's for the better. But who knows what tomorrow may bring. Just maybe you know, it could have been. At the end of the day I just to say thank you, for allowing me to see more than what was and what could have been. Maybe that's what I needed in order to move along with life. Just know that you're the cause to the to smile that's really bright. All I know is that I'm hooked forever and a day from the moment I saw you, and said hello, I'm great, and bye!
22 October, 2011
At what point in our lives do we begin to take personal responsibility of what's going on with our given situation? When do we have that moment when we say, "you know what I did that and I take full responsibility for what happened". For some of us it happens when we are kids. For others it never happens. I wonder what happens in our upbringing that shapes when and if we have this "epiphany". I've been thinking lately about how I deal with most situations. I'm usually that person that takes the burden of all my situations personal and directly. I may have only said hi to someone, but will say "well you did decide to walk into that room". It's funny how I've put so much pressure on myself to try and understand everything around me. I sometimes think, what if I didn't internalize everything, would I be a different person. And the answer to that would be YES, but would it make me a better person or would I just be one of the people I roll my eye's at and say, "well what did you do to lead to this problem". Now, would I like who I am if I had these difference's, yes an no. There is something about just doing that personally appeals to me. To be able to jump head first without thinking about what's next makes my heart flutter. Sometimes I envy those that don't think about their actions, but then again I am who I am and I accept that. With every thought, plan, and consequence negative or positive, I can always say I took the responsibility to get to this point. And I fully understand my part even if I don't acknowledge everything else.
03 October, 2011
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
Does not want you to work.
Controls finances or refuses to share money.
Punishes you by withholding affection.
Expects you to ask permission.
Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
Humiliates you in any way.
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
Scared you by driving recklessly.
Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
Forced you to leave your home.
Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
Hurt your children.
Used physical force in sexual situations.
Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
Held you down during sex.
Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
What is Battering?
- Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person with whom an intimate relationship is or has been shared through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes that they are entitled to control another.
- In all cultures, batterers are most commonly male. Rural and urban women of all religious, ethnic, socio-economic and educational backgrounds, and of varying ages, physical abilities and lifestyles can be affected by domestic violence. There is not a typical woman who will be battered - the risk factor is being born female.
- Heterosexual males may also be victims of domestic violence as perpetrated by their female partners. They experience the same dynamics of interpersonal violence as female victims including experiences of disbelief, ridicule and shame that only enhance their silence.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
The Domestic Violence Awareness Project
If you are in danger, please call 911, your local hotline, or (in the U.S.) the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
01 October, 2011
- A change in how the breast or nipple feels.
- You may experience nipple tenderness or notice a lump or thickening in or near the breast or in the underarm area.
- A change in how the breast or nipple look.
- Nipple discharge.
American Cancer Society
National Breast Cancer Foundation